The Funeral

Description

All he had to do was drive her to the cemetery so the long-awaited The Funeral could take place. But no, he just had to open the coffin lid.

The Funeral (Cenaze) is a genuine auteur film, not the polished product that filmmakers like Robert Eggers and Ari Aster are now churning out with blockbuster-adjacent budgets.

Maybe I’m being too critical. But it doesn’t change the fact: I liked their early work far more than what they’re making now. The higher the budget, the fewer original ideas—everything is scaled for mass appeal. Money needs to be recouped, and for that, the soul of the film is often sacrificed.

There’s a theory that Eggers spent the entire budget of Nosferatu on the sets. They are indeed stunning, but, frankly, that’s where it ends.

I believe the more people involved in a film, the more the original vision gets diluted. Hundreds of contributors—producers, writers, marketers, and others—push their own ideas, each with a different take on what the film or a specific scene should be. The result is a compromise-driven mashup of contradictions and a desire to please everyone. Exceptions exist, of course, but they’re rare.

Is it worth it? Judging by Nosferatu’s awards and nominations—yes. But to me, it’s just as hollow as del Toro’s Frankenstein or Ryan Coogler’s Sinners (both heavily nominated), which lean into Tarantino-esque dialogue where 90% of the runtime is empty chatter unrelated to the plot.

I don’t know how much Orçun Behram spent on The Funeral, but it’s clearly nowhere near the $50 million poured into Nosferatu. Just compare the two. Which one feels more sincere and, strangely enough, more alive? A Turkish indie horror about a hearse driver that grossed under $20,000 worldwide? Or Nosferatu with its tens of millions? For me, the answer is obvious.

A director’s name no longer guarantees quality. Every big-budget release is now a blind box: you might get something worthwhile, or complete trash. And online ratings won’t help you figure it out in advance.

The Funeral sits at an average rating of around 4.7. Now ask yourself: how many people will actually watch it after seeing that number? Most won’t even read the synopsis—they’ll just scroll past and look for something with a “decent” score.

And that’s the perfect moment to remind you why Vegan Vampire exists in the first place. To make your choice easier, clear up the noise, and steer you away from mediocre, poorly made, and outright atrocious films.
Or, conversely, to show them to you.